Psychiatric hotline

Dedicated to the most paranoid person I know.. we all know who

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hot line:

Please listen carefully to all options before making your selection
If your are obsessive/compulsive , please press one repeatedly

If you suffer from multiple personalities disorders, please press 2,3 and 4

If your codependent , please have somebody else press 5 for you

If your a nymphomaniac, please stop doing that with the phone, put your clothes back on and dial Extension 6 9

If your schizophrenic, please listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what to push

If you suffer from irrational paranoia, you do not have to press anything, we know who you are and what you want, please stay on the line so we can trace the call

If you have delusions and occasionally have hallucinations, please be aware the thing you are holding to the side of your head is alive and about to bite your ear off